By Riley Beckham, Peer Research Ambassador
Almost four years ago, I began my journey at UConn pursuing a Bachelor’s degree in Electrical Engineering. Like many aspiring engineers, I knew that I had chosen a difficult major. At the time, I was excited by the challenge and eager to prove myself in my chosen field. I knew the next four years would be filled with learning and growth opportunities, and I was excited to overcome the challenges associated with this degree.
What I could not anticipate at the time was how all-consuming my academics would become. I felt like all I had time for, day and night, was school. Wake-up, go to class, come home, do homework and study well into the evening, go to bed late, wake-up the next day. Rinse and repeat, day-in and day-out. Weekends? What better way to spend a Saturday afternoon than studying at the library?
As time wore on, I began to feel disillusioned with the idea of being a college student. I had long been told that these would be some of the best years of my life, but I felt as though they had been anything but. I barely had time to rest, much less time to enjoy myself or savor the experience. Making friends and meeting new people proved an additional challenge, and for so long, I felt alone in all of it. Everyone else had it together, right? Everyone else was finding ways to go out partying on the weekends, get involved in clubs or sports, meet new people and have the time of their lives. So what was I doing wrong?
My first mistake was assuming that I was alone. I now realize that so many of my peers have had experiences very similar to mine. But I have also come to realize that I was lacking perspective. For so long, I thought that I just had to try harder in school, that if I worked harder, took less and less time for myself, then it would get better. My grades would improve, and I would finally be happy. It’s only a few more semesters right? This won’t last forever; I just have to keep pushing…
This all came to a head last fall when I was engaged in my hardest semester to date. I was so close to graduating, but the last three years finally caught up to me. Around the middle of October, I hit rock bottom and just broke down. I couldn’t keep doing this, not even for another seven months. Something had to change.
It was at this point that I made the difficult decision to delay my graduation by a semester, using the extra time to space out my remaining classes to give myself a break and a better shot at finishing with good grades for my remaining courses. I was very lucky to have a support system that allowed me to do this, and I am so very grateful to my family for understanding and accepting my situation and helping me find a path forward. But despite the support and encouragement I received, a dark cloud still loomed large in my life. I was initially ashamed of the choice I had made. It felt like admitting defeat, like admitting that I wasn’t cut out for this, that I wasn’t good enough. For so long, my self-worth and self-esteem were linked inexorably to my academic achievements, and when these started to founder, I was put in a pretty bad headspace.
Slowly but surely, however, things started to change. Over winter break I did a lot of thinking (soul-searching, one might call it), and had some profound realizations. I realized that in five or ten years, I would be able to look back on my college experience and laugh about it. I realized that all I would really remember were the people I met and the adventures and experiences I had with them. And I realized that after my first “real” job, no one would really care about my grades or my academic status. In short, I was too focused on the day to day, that I lost sight of the big picture. I had been treating my grades as more important than my mental health, and in turn, both had suffered.
I want to speak now to the people reading this who might be in a similar place; you are not alone. You are not broken, nor are you unworthy of the accomplishments you have striven so hard to achieve. Everyone takes their own path through life, and there is no right way to do it. All that matters is doing what is best for you, doing whatever will help you to live a happy and fulfilling life, now and in the future. No grade or academic achievement is worth putting your body and your mind through hell, and burning yourself out is not the path to happiness or success.
It takes courage and foresight to go against the grain, to do what’s right for you even if it’s unconventional or intimidating. While it might not be true for everyone, I’ve found that taking a step back is one of the best ways to get ahead.
Riley is a senior majoring in Electrical Engineering. Click here to learn more about Riley.